Barren Witch Threatens to Cancel Brexit and Fracture Conservative Party

Not content with betraying the nation with a contractual debacle that will tie Britain into certain slavery for eternity with the EU, this barren witch with a coal black womb, does not have much heart either, as it is black as well.

Sitting in her den, her cauldron boils over with many insidious ingredients, as she stirs the vast pot bubbling with vicious plans for the future.

“My masters, I have vowed treachery upon those in Britain, they must be punished, my masters tell me every day, it must be done at any cost. There are many now trying to stop me seeing through their plan, and my masters have given me the green light to achieve the goal of imprisoning Britain forever in the EU. Whether tis to ruin the Conservative party, that is no consequence to me or my masters, because we only care for one thing. Yes-s-s, to push through the plan, to sign the contract, as it was scribed by my masters, I have to get this through. (the witch pauses to throw a live frog into the boiling cauldron) I am bolstered from the top, and these mice of men below in the backbenches are nothing to me, and they will fail miserably as our power of evil is too great. There is nothing they can do.”

The witch rubs her belly, for she wishes to punish the whole country for her state of barrenness.

“All these vile people in Britain who can have children. Not I, my blackened diseased womb, is the same as Merkel’s, for this we are sisters in inequity, in shameful detestation of everything that is good, like the right to self-determination, sovereignty and national borders, where the little kiddies can run around happy in their playgrounds. We can only look at those little pattering feet and feel disdain, avarice and extreme jealousy.”

As the Number 10 cat saunters into the den where the witch is working, it suddenly realises its mistake and tries to make a run for it.

“Not too fast me dearie, hmm, the cauldron needs some more ingredients. Cat, cat, felix, fluffy one, into the cauldron of doom you go, with the people of Britain, and all things that are good like freedom, liberty, and sovereignty, to your doom, doom you go, just like my blackened womb, to doom you must go! (the witch tosses the squealing cat into the cauldron)