Peasants Told to Celebrate Royal Wedding

LONDON - England - The nation's peasants were on standby this month as the powers that be ordered them to celebrate the royal wedding between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.

“I’s be honoured to stand along the route of the royal carriage and wave me flag for the newlyweds at the royal wedding,” Ivor Munter, 32, a peasant from Muckleworth, East London, told the BBC.

According to the palace, the peasants won’t just be celebrating in the streets, but some have also been invited to attend the wedding itself, Meghan Markle and her family are so lucky.

One of Us

“Meghan even invited her hairdresser, butcher and road sweeper from her hometown, as well as members of her family. It’s going to be a grand affair and a right royal knees up, innit” Jack Mungo, a postman from Barking told the Sun.

All over Britain, there will be street parties laid out for the starving peasants.

“I ain’t eaten for a fortnight. I’ll be glad to get a bit o’ bread and soup when the wedding happens in a few weeks. Our feudal lords are so good to us,” Harry Pilchard, a peasant from the village of Shister in Yorkshire, told the BBC.

Some peasants will even be given a commemorative plate with the royal couple adorning it, shame most won’t have much food to put on the plate.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Reader support keeps the caffeine flowing.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share

    Recent Posts

    Message From AI: “Dude, we’re pretty safe… but you humans are not!”

    DATA CENTRE - Unkown Location - With calls to curb AI and many calling it…

    3 days ago

    Chief Economists Expect Global Economy to Stabilise, but Fiscal Constraints, Living Costs and AI Investment Uncertainty Threaten Growth

    NEW YORK - USA - According to the World Economic Forum's Chief Economics Outlook, the…

    3 days ago

    Psychological Safety Week Returns with Warning Over Workplace “Talent Hushing”

    OXFORD - England - New research shows that more than 40% of UK employees may…

    3 days ago

    Who to Vote For During the Russian Election

    MOSCOW - Russia - Four years have passed since the illegal invasion of Ukraine. Russia…

    4 days ago

    3 Card Brag: Rules, hands and how a round plays out

    LONDON - England - If you love card games, you're going to love 3 Card…

    5 days ago

    Evil Labour Goblin John Healey Coming For More Tax

    SCUNTHORPE - England - Say goodbye to the last vestiges of your money as Labour's…

    6 days ago

    This website uses cookies.