Johann Hari Coming to Work For Daily Squib

“Someone with Hari’s excellent skill for ‘writing’ stories will be greatly treasured in the halls and writing rooms of the Squib. In fact, we’ve got him pride of place in the golden cubicle, resplendent with a cushioned lavatory seat and a flush that makes a very satisfying sound indeed,” Armitage Shanks, chief sub sub editor of the Daily Squib said.

The former Independent journalist was gracious in his acceptance speech yesterday: “Thank you dear friends. When I was last in Dubai researching a story, I thought to myself, there has to be a higher place than merely making stuff up for the Independent. Why not really graduate and reach the pinnacle of journalistic licence. And then it hit me in the f*cking eye like a bolt of electricity, I had to get away from the Independent and forge my way into the real world, diving headlong into the meat, sewage and potatoes of journalism. Well, here I am, and I have already seen the midget room, and the hanging room. My toilet chair is marvellous where I will do the writing from. Thank you dear Squib friends for accepting me and I shall swear allegiance to write as much flapdoodle bollocks as I possibly can.”

Expect to see more Hari bollocks in the Squib soon, and we’re not talking about Anne Widdecombe either.