Jacob Rees-Mogg Becomes Tory PM After Lacklustre May Ousted

Former prime minister, Theresa May was today licking her wounds after a devastating coup by Tory Brexiteers who ousted her late last night from her job.

The spectacular coup was completed in 15 minutes according to those present, and May had no discourse but to resign in shame after the way she had handled the Brexit.

“May who has conceded too much to the EU was as useful as a drum kit in Anne Frank’s attic. She is obviously a Remainer, therefore she does not have a mandate to safeguard this nation from those who seek to do it harm. We had to remove her to gain back our sovereignty,” one backbencher revealed.

Indeed, Theresa May capitulated much to the EU demands, and if it was not for the coup, Britain would have been stuck in the Customs Union and Single Market. This effectively would mean there would not be a Brexit, and Britain would not have been able to make its own trade deals, as well as control its own borders.

“It is safe to say that May listened to Remainers more than Brexiteers. The House of Lords’ unelected peers who defeated the government on a recent Brexit bill were on large payrolls from Brussels, so naturally they were paid off corrupted individuals who willingly sold their own country off for backhanders from the EU. However, the former PM, was not paid off by Brussels to our knowledge, but betrayed her own country through sheer unwillingness to stand up to Brussels and their ludicrous demands,” another backbencher revealed.

The new PM, Jacob Rees-Mogg, has struck fear into the heart of the EU, and is even planning on curtailing the crooked Remainer unelected peers in the House of Lords, many of which are receiving backhanders from Brussels.

This spectacular turn of events can only be good for Britain, which needs someone as strong as Thatcher to pull through the slings and arrows of outrageous EU demands.