Theresa May Sudden Rigor Mortis Explained By Government Scientists

British PM Theresa May, who suddenly started displaying the effects of rigor mortis on Monday is currently being examined in a covert governmental facility somewhere in Salisbury.

Number 10 aides were alerted to the PM’s condition this morning at breakfast time when she was making some toast and talking about her lacklustre performance for Brexit as well as how she plans to concede all terms to the EU.

“She was making the toast, then I noticed cracking sounds coming from her face. Her body stiffened and then as if struck by Medusa’s gaze she froze like a statue. We carried her out to the hallway and she just stood there with an open dead gaze. After calling the medic he surmised that the PM was having a bout of rigor mortis, although he could record a faint pulse,” Number 10 aide, Ashley Sommer, told the Daily Telegraph.

Rigor mortis

The prime minister may have been accidentally zapped by a governmental program that is used to control the population.

Utilising microwave energy within the biolelectric wave spectrum, the electromagnetic waves are broadcast from mobile phone masts, wifi and from mobile delivery systems.

“The CIA in the US developed the system in the 1990s as a way to control humans en masse as well as individuals who they wish to either eliminate or put under their control.

“By the use of the bioelectric spectrum, mostly at 10 Hz, when inducing a form of rigor mortis over the victim, the program can render humans inactive and unable to function in daily life. They can also transmit images into the minds of individuals. For example, say a target is already mentally unstable, if the active control centre transmits images inducing the individual to carry out a mass shooting, then it can be very effective. This technique is especially useful in areas of black ops, to engender a population crisis regarding gun control or any other usage of the Hegellian Dialectic,” chief engineer at Los Alamos weapons research facility revealed last year.

Questions are however being asked about how on earth the PM was accidentally zapped by the covert control system.

A parliamentary body will discuss the findings today, however, the program is top secret and will have to be handled behind closed doors. Meanwhile, an emergency meeting of Cobra was announced by the deputy prime minister.

“Unfortunately, we cannot discuss the circumstances under which the PM has been struck down. These programs are heavily classified and officially do not exist,” a Number 10 spokesman revealed today.