Cabinet Reshuffle Latest: Theresa May Relegates Self to Backbenches

“Initially I refused my own reshuffle. I stood up to myself and proclaimed showing any sort of weakness would be weak,” Mrs May revealed.

Mrs. May, who has trouble reshuffling cards let alone a whole Cabinet of ministers, is so incompetent and weak that her reshuffle may result in a general election where communist Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn is elected.

“When I was reshuffling the Cabinet I kept shouting ‘snap’ for some reason. Then I got a crazy idea into my head about shuffling in minorities into the mix, and I accidentally used my white female privilege to shuffle myself out of the Cabinet and into the backbenches. I understand I am an indecisive, hysterical woman flapping her hands in the wind, but Brexit, Brexit, Brexit…or something like that!”