Triumphant Theresa May Delivers Non-Brexit

“Today, I spoke to EU leaders and they told me what to do and what to say to the British people. I have agreed to do as they told me, and I have also told the Cabinet, of which are 90% Remainers, that the Brexit that they dreamed about will now be a reality.”

Speaking to cheers and joyous applause from Remainers across the political spectrum, the PM resolutely vowed to take Britain into the EU with a Brexit that will keep the EU closer than ever before.

“In fact, Britain will not escape the EU’s tentacles until 2074, and I vow to be cryogenically frozen, and woken up in that year so that Britain can continue to stay in the EU for another number of decades.

Jean Claude Juncker, and his deputy, Donald Tusk all cheered the non-Brexit, and said that the people had all been fooled once again.

“It is a game. You say you want out, we say sure, then we take you around the Mulburry bush and bring you back to square one again until you give up. The plebiscite are all morons, they will not realise how we have fooled them, and this Mrs. May bitch, she played along like a chorus of violins at a funeral parlour,” Mr. Juncker added.

So, there it is folks, the Brexit you all asked for has been delivered by the great Mrs. May, just don’t look into the small print though, you may come away with a serious condition of fucking anger.