Don't Worry Middle East Peace Envoy Tony Blair On Way to Libya

TRIPOLI - Libya - Don't worry people. Please stop panicking. Everything is going to be all right because Tony Blair is now on the way to sort out the unholy Libyan turmoil he created in the first place.

"I'll do anything for money."

It certainly wasn’t those dodgy Libyan arms deals he made behind the British people’s backs, or what about Lord Mandy and the buffoon Gordon Brown who completed the shameful Megrahi oil deal much to the chagrin of the Lockerbie relatives?

Well have no fear. Tony Blair has just departed from luxuriating on one of the multi-million pound yachts owned by one of his special friends, to clean up the awful mess exasperated by those secret Faustian British arms for oil deals he personally officiated a few years ago.

“I am not only responsible for the death of hundreds of thousands of Iraqis, but under my watch I sold most of these Libyans arms so that they could kill more of each other. As Peace Envoy to the Middle East, I can’t think of anything more peaceful. Firstly, because they kill themselves. Muslims killing other Muslims is a big bonus for us. The more that happens, the more peaceful it gets and we don’t have to do all the killing ourselves from 35,000 or so feet. Secondly, I got paid huge sums of money for what I did, so that is justification in itself. In fact, that point should be number one. I should get a frickin’ medal for all the crimes I committed in the name of the Britain. So all those moaners and do-gooders can shut the hell up,” Mr Blair said puffing on a huge cigar whilst reclining in the private jet plane headed towards Paris’ Charles De Gaulle airport, where he will spirited off to an all-expenses-paid five star hotel to conduct further Middle East Peace negotiations.