Constantly Kneeling African Americans Unproductive in Work Force Say Bosses

It’s hard enough for some people to get to do a day’s work in the first place, but having them constantly kneeling on the ground is really cutting into productivity some bosses for major companies are complaining.

“We hired DaQuan Jonquil Teneel Esq. III, you know to do some filing, but all he does is kneel on the floor now. It’s hard because I asked him to move some files across the room to our copy administration person and it took him half an hour to go four metres, by that time we had lost an important client, now we just email the documents,” an exasperated boss at Google’s Mountain View campus revealed.

Jacquinda Quanell Jackson, a secretary for a top law firm in New York City, is also under the microscope as she kneels now on a constant basis, even delivering coffee to her bosses whilst on one knee.

“I aksed her, I said, Jacquinda, I been working six hours straight on this case, can you get me the Masterson papers and a cup of coffee. Took her another four hours to bring the things I wanted to the office on one knee. By that time I was ready to put some lead into anything that moved,” an angry attorney at Licksbittle Thompson Speares Litigation added.

Shamon Labronce Ebolaishaun, an English teacher for Gaitesberg High School in Massachusetts, kneels constantly in and out of class. The headteacher for the school does not know how to deal with the situation, as many of the kids are baffled as well.

“Shamon is kneeling from 7 am in the morning in the staff meeting till 4 pm in the afternoon. He even kneels whilst conducting English lessons to the pupils much to our dismay about his behaviour, there is nothing we can do to rectify the situation as to fire him would see us condemned for racism,” the distraught headmaster revealed.

Waquisha Simone Laptoyanqua, a nurse at a Los Angeles hospital has been kneeling for weeks now and many patients’ lives have been put in danger. Her bosses are at their wits end at what do about her?

“One of our patients was having a cardiac arrest, we asked Waquisha to get the defibrillator to save the man’s life. It would have taken her at least an hour to shuffle whilst kneeling to the emergency equipment cupboard, so the doctor bypassed her, rushed to the cupboard, retrieved the defibrillator and rushed to save the man’s life. If was not for his quick thinking, the patient would have died,” a furious hospital administrator added.

Raymond Wantinka Johnsons, a shoeshiner from New York City constantly kneels for his clients when he’s spit shining shoes on the corner of 5th Avenue. He is the only one who can get away with a kneeling protest, because he kneels all the time any way.

“I am protesting and spit shining at the same time. I can make mirrors outta shoes. At the same time I’m kneeling in protest. The good thing is I make $80 a day and they don’t even know I’m protesting,” Raymond quips before setting upon a new customer.