Coalition Plan on Bringing Workhouses Back

Speaking from Klosters ski resort, the Chancellor, George Osborne, planned to cut short his £25,000 week’s holiday to jet back to the UK to finalise the plans for the workhouses.

“Unfortunately for you lot, it’s to the poorhouse for you. The only ones who won’t be going there are us MPs and the very rich. Everyone else — the poorhouse will be your new home,” Mr Osborne said from his ski chalet.

The government guidelines for the workhouses state that all inmates must adhere to the strictest of rules regarding work, food and eventual permanent rest.

“You will be in the poorhouse because your poverty is a dishonourable state caused by a lack of moral virtue of industriousness. We, the current government, or the previous one, are not to blame for putting you filthy fuckers in the poorhouse,” Mr Osborne told Sky news, before turning his nose up at the camera and sneering.

The workhouses planned by the government will house much of the UK population, who will be working 18 hour days on jobs like breaking rocks, chopping wood and bone-crushing.

Being an inmate at a workhouse will ensure that you will not starve anymore, you will get plenty of food and vittles like bread and cheese, frumenty and broth.

The coalition plan to build workhouses in every major UK city and every rural town in the country.