Tourettes Air Traffic Controller Causes Christmas Chaos at Heathrow

The carnage began at 6am this morning when Dean Batts, a BAA traffic controller, suddenly started spouting expletives and various insults at the pilots trying to take off and land from the icy runways.

“He told a pilot coming in from San Diego that if he didn’t land in his allotted time he would get a ‘f*cking ratchet’ and slam it up where the sun don’t shine. A Chinese pilot coming in from Beijing was called a ‘slanty eyed pr*ck’ and as for the Nigerian airlines staff, I can’t even begin to repeat what they heard. I’ve never heard so many ‘C words’ in one sentence,” Keith Barrow, senior air traffic controller for BAA told the Times.

The expletive ridden air traffic session lasted for all of twelve minutes before Mr Batts was wrestled to the ground and hauled away by airport security.

“This was the last thing we needed, it’s hairy enough out there with all the ice, snow and blizzards,” Mr Barrow said.

Thankfully no one was hurt and all the aircraft took off and landed safely on the icy runways.