Santa Pissed Off After WikiLeaks Reveals Xmas List

“It’s that Assange guy again. He’s leaked the all important Christmas present list on the internet. Now every child in the world knows what they’re going to get. What an arsehole,” Santa said, before booting one of his little helpers out into the snow.

The leaked Christmas gift documents show that this year was going to be a bumper year in gifts. However, because of this unwarranted leak, Christmas may now have to be cancelled.

The WikiLeaks Christmas documents were received with anger from a lot of children.

Johnny Rosenberg, 10, from Lincolnshire said: “I just found out that I’m getting a home made sweater from my mum, and a pair of socks from my nan. My dad got me a dartboard. I know the recession’s bad but this stinks to high heaven. Santa better deliver some better presents than that.”

Alice Fink, 12, from Washington, USA,  said: “Julian Assange from WikiLeaks spoiled my Christmas. I was so looking forward to unwrapping my presents. Now I know what I’m getting. What an utter, utter, utter, bastard.”

Santa’s grotto had warned WikiLeaks that the expected release would endanger countless children’s expectations, jeopardize Christmas for millions and hurt Santa’s elves who would have to put in loads of unpaid extra hours to rectify the leak.