Houses of Parliament Sewage Recycling to Power Half of Country

The politicians in the House of Commons and House of Lords already produce enough methane gas to power half the nation’s homes, the companies involved in the groundbreaking project revealed on Monday.

“We thought we’d put these politicians to good use for a change. Why not harness this incredible power emanating from these politicians’ posteriors? There will be collection points directly underneath the Houses of Parliament where the liquid shit will be funnelled into special fermentation tanks, then the created gas will be pumped directly to homes across the South East and even as far away as Birmingham,” Erin Boskovitch, senior project manager for the EDF, Thames Water, British Gas and Scotia Gas
Networks told the Energy Weekly paper.

Chris Huhne, Energy and
Climate Change Secretary, said: “It’s not every day that a Secretary of
State can announce that my arse and many of compatriots arses will finally save the UK from ‘Global Warming’ and high energy costs. Next time you’re cooking your dinner on the gas hob, take a while to think where that gas came from. Could have been Camaron, Ed Balls, me, or John Prescott.”

According
to Thames Water, the whole process – from flushing a Commons toilet to gas being
piped to people’s homes – takes around 5 days.

Marty Stools, chief executive of Thames Water said: “We chose the politicians in Westminster for this landmark project purely because they create so much shit. More so than anyone else in the country, therefore, from this ample farm of fecal matter, we know we can soon pipe gas to every home in the UK.”

Anil Piles, chief
executive of Scotia Gas Networks, added: “The gas that we are
transporting doesn’t arrive from the North Sea or abroad,
but instead comes from the vast gaseous quarters of the Houses of Parliament.
That’s got to be recycling at its very best.”