Recession Britain: Government Scientists Now Say 70 Minutes in Hour

LONDON - England - In a bid to increase productivity during the recession, politicians have ordered scientists and mathematicians to find a way of sticking an extra ten minutes onto a 60 minute hour.

The increase in minutes in the hour is claimed to be the only way we can get out of recession, politicians and business leaders have said.

The time increase, which will bring extra revenue to the ailing government awash with debt, is a sign that the UK is in even worse trouble than previously thought. What’s more, the coalition government is trying to find a way to make the extra ten minutes in the hour non-payable by employers, therefore the workforce will work the extra ten minutes for nothing.

“We feel this will increase the UK’s productivity and bolster the debt ridden coffers. Everyone will work the extra ten minutes and will not get paid for their work, however they will be happy in the knowledge that the extra ten minutes worked will help pay for the benefits welfare black hole, NHS, civil service pensions and holidays as well as projects like sending young offenders on African safaris,” Paul Butcher, the Lib Dem Work and Pensions secretary told the Telegraph on Sunday.

Scientists and mathematicians have however come across a major problem. If the UK has 70 minutes in an hour and the rest of the world only has 60, this will cause confusion for global trade, business and air travel. This is why the government’s International Productivity Policy Foundation wants to roll out the extra ten minutes to the rest of the world as well. Already, the USA and Germany has shown interest as well as China, however countries like Greece, whose population are workshy, have strongly disagreed to the plans and have started rioting again.

“We will find a way to increase the minutes in an hour internationally. Once that is achieved, we can get out of this recession once and for all,” Liam Henderson a government, Business and Productivity Tsar told the Daily Mail on Saturday.

A direct
consequence of the time change that may cause major problems, is the
adjusting of the world’s clocks to reflect the extra minutes. The plan
is to change clock faces across the world by painting the extra minutes
on, as well as adjusting digital clocks. This could be quite time
consuming and expensive but worth it in the long run. Time will only
tell.

How it will work

a) 70 minutes per hour

b) 24 hours in a day

c) Extra 1 hour 20 minutes of unpaid productivity in a normal 8 hour shift