David Cameron Launches His Big Society

Amongst the scallies, hoodies, chavs, neds, scumbags; murderers out early on parole, burglars and politicians, the new PM, David Cameron is set to launch the biggest social project Britain has ever seen.

“I want to empower people to take charge of their own lives. We can have hoodies and chavs delivering meals on wheels to the elderly, that is, before they rob them and beat the living shit out of them. We could have people, who have never worked a day in their lives, actually go out and get a job. And that’s not just MPs, I’m talking about every day citizens on benefits. I want to empower the ordinary masses to take the blame for our broken system. I want them to feel the heat of vitriol and hatred meted out to members of parliament on a daily basis. Let those fuckers hold the can for a while,” Mr Cameron told the Observer on Sunday.

The initiatives being championed include PR campaigns to showcase Cameron’s empty promises that will not affect the root of Britain’s malfunctioning society. 

In his speech, the prime minister is expected to hail the
potential for “the biggest, most dramatic redistribution of blame” from
the state to individuals ever witnessed in modern day Britain.

The deprived area of Liverpool is one of the areas set to benefit from the
initiative.

“We’re starting our campaign in Liverpool because it has a certain reputation shall we say. We parked our Jags and Bentleys outside the conference hall only yesterday, within three minutes, the hubcaps, wheels, interior upholstery, engine and even our chauffeurs had been stolen,” Senior PR executive in charge of the ‘Big Society’ spin machine, Jedward Overman, told the Times.

It is hoped that hundreds of millions of pounds of people’s hard earned savings in dormant bank accounts will be pillaged and used on useless projects that are simply about spin with no substance whatsoever. Welcome to the fold, Mr Blair 2.0.