Gordon Brown Set to Win 100% Election Vote Once Again

“Our great unelected comrade in chief, Gordon Brown is set to win another unelected election victory on May 6. Turnout for the vote will be 100%, and every man, woman and child in our great Soviet British state will vote for our supreme leader. All the other candidates, of which there are none, wil be superseded and routed at the Soviet ballot boxes,” Commissar Mandelson told state British Soviet Broadcasting agency, the SBBC before the broadcast from the great Comrade Brown.

Comrade Brown himself made another one of his eloquent, noble speeches yesterday whilst relaxing at his dacha in Grimly, North East Sector 20, just off Junction 18 of the M34.

“Comrades, Stasi henchmen, Commissars and brave Bolshevik fighters. I address you from my dacha in Grimly and thank the SBBC for broadcasting this televisual message to you all. It is very pleasant here amongst the volcanic ash sludge falling from the cold grey rain drenched skies. I can see the future for Soviet Britain from here, yes and you have guessed it, it’s me, your beloved comrade in arms.

“The upcoming election for me is a deciding factor in all of your future. I know comrades, you will all make the correct decision in this fair and democratic election because our officials will be commandeering the polling booths and counting the votes. You will see on the ballot paper many options that will allow you to vote for me, therefore please vote carefully.

“Never in the
history
of the
world have there been such really free and really democratic elections
— never! History knows no other example like it.  The
point is not that our elections will be universal, equal, secret and
direct, although that fact in itself is of no great importance to you.
Even that horrible bigoted woman, Gillian Duffy, was forcibly made to
sign her postal vote when my henchmen attended her home in Rochdale last
week. Remember proles, let us count the votes and you shall have the
leader that you deserve
— me, of course.”

The elections on May 6 are not merely elections, our beloved unelected Comrade Brown has declared a national holiday for all workers, all peasants and all
intelligentsia.

Comrade Brown has also declared that on this historic day, every person in Soviet Britain will be given an extra sugar cube ration and a large bag of oats for the next winter.