Catholic Priests to Say ‘Sorry’

“In the name of Jesus, the Father and the Holy Ghost, after raping a choirboy, it is good to say sorry to your victims and everything will be OK. Just keep repeating these steps and there will be no problem,” the Pope said after blessing more priests for the weekly Eucharist at St Peter’s Basilica today.

Catholic priests all over the world were said to be absolved of their actions after they collectively said ‘sorry’, a Vatican spokesman said on Saturday.

Some Vatican commentators are however not so sure about losing the Catholic church’s traditions so easily and have vowed to boycott the PR offensive by the Holy See.

“It is a Catholic priest’s right to fiddle with young boys. We’ve been doing it for bloody centuries, so if they want us to say ‘sorry’ for our traditions, so be it,” Father Seamus McMolestor of the North Belfast dioicus told the BBC on Saturday.