Jeremy Corbyn: I Am Still Leader of the Labour Party

Former Labour party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, who was sectioned under the Mental Health Act last night, still believes he is the leader of the Labour party.

According to witnesses, Corbyn was removed, still firmly planted on a chair, from the offices of the Labour Head Quarters last night by a team of trained psychiatrists, guards, nurses and police.

Witnesses recall harrowing tales from the terrible incident: “We were to have the twentieth meeting that day to persuade him to go. He (Corbyn) started to dribble uncontrollably, and his eyes went up into the sockets, then the trembling came. Corbyn said he was Lenin. He stood up and gave a rousing speech recalling his time in Saint Petersburg during the revolution. The furious Corbyn/Lenin then started to smash furniture and demanded the ‘Bolsheviks smite the bourgeois capitalist scum  and aristocracy wherever they may lie’. Party members were stunned as the wild eyed Corbyn then stood up on a chair, put on his hat, then started to cluck like a chicken, even flapping his arms and moving his neck like a chicken does when it walks.”

When concerned aides called the emergency services, it took four hours to coax Corbyn to come out of a filing cabinet, and when he finally did, he superglued himself to a large chair. He was removed from Labour HQ by fifteen men whilst on a chair still shouting that he was the Labour leader.

Responders at the scene are now receiving counselling.