Labour Government Orders New Helicopters Urgently

Whitehall has finally backed down and ordered thousands of shiny new helicopters from Russia says a key government insider.

“Gordon Brown has finally backed down to the immense pressure to buy more helicopters. There is only one slight problem. They’re not for the army in Afghanistan but for Labour ministers to be evacuated from the crowds of people who want them dead. Gordon will have his own private helicopter and will spirited away to his dacha in Scotland somewhere,” the Whitehall insider revealed to the Daily Squib.

Army chiefs were said to be red with fury at the news that Labour ministers and peers were going to utilise the much needed helicopters earmarked for Afghanistan.

“Those bloody cowards may think they can nick our helicopters but we’re going to have the last laugh. We’ve got a few surface to air missiles that should solve this issue once and for all. No amount of chaff will stop what we’ve got,’ Major General Jannett told the Daily Squib.

No one knows where the disgraced Labour government and ministers will go but as long it is outside the UK, the British population can rest assured that they will not be seen for many decades or hopefully ever again.