Trump Presents List of Ways Women Will Be Punished

It seems Donald Trump keeps digging himself into holes, and this time he may have gone too far.

His war against women and their rightful choices is now threatening his candidacy, but hey, it’s the Don, he can do and say anything and get away with it. Now he wants to punish women for their choices.

After being pressed by reporters on what sort of punishment women should receive, the Donald took out a piece of paper from his jacket pocket with a list.

“I compiled this list of punishments for women. I was on the plane and thought to myself, what will really piss women off in America? I came up with a list, right there.”

• What do liberal abortion loving American women hate most? Me. So I want to punish them by arresting them, tying them to a chair and forced at gun point to watch videos of me talking about my mother and what a great woman she was. Then I’ll show them a pic of the foetus they aborted and lecture them about how that could have been me if my mother was pro-abortion.

• The second segment of torture will involve these women forced to watch their favourite handbag being shredded in front of them with those credit cards inside.

• We will get your husbands or boyfriends to talk about their exes in front of you for hours.

• You ever watch the Donald adjusting his junk in his trousers? Women hate it when men do that. You will be forced to watch me adjusting my tiny privates in my trousers for a further four hours.

• How about some mansplaining and selective hearing? If you try and initiate a conversation with the men present at your punishment session they will either continue eating their chips or drinking their beer whilst watching sport or a movie. This event will go on for two days on a shift basis.

• Further punishment will involve the woman being put into a room full of men who have been eating beans all day. They will fart and joke for two hours. They will be wearing oxygen masks but you won’t.

• The next phase is the Mexican ogling session. Women will be strapped into a chair in a room full of sex starved Mexican men who just came over the border. They will not be allowed to touch you but they will damn well ogle you for six hours. If you’re too ugly to be ogled, don’t worry they’re Mexicans.

• On a variation of the ogling theme, your husband or boyfriend will be present whilst a line of beautiful young women in bikinis are paraded in front of him. You will be forced to watch as he blatantly ogles their hot bodies. Some women will be allowed to show their appreciation by kissing your husband/boyfriend in front of you.

• The manspreading room will be your worst nightmare. There will be rows of men manspreading and shoving you around a fake subway carriage.

• We will take pictures of you without makeup during the various punishment sessions and force you to upload these to your Facebook and Instagram page.