Kelly Osbourne Hospitalises Twink Boyfriend

According to Hollywood sources, Kelly Osbourne’s boyfriend suffered multiple broken bones and internal injuries when Kelly Osbourne accidentally rolled over in bed and crushed his body.

“The boy only has a very slight frame, so when Kelly rolled over in bed during her sleep she did not realise what she was doing. It was only when the maid came to clean the room in the morning that Mr Squirrel was discovered passed out underneath Ms Osbourne. He was immediately airlifted to Cedars Sinai Hospital for immediate emergency treatment,” Ms Osbourne’s spokesman told ABC news.

Mr Squirrel is still in Intensive Care with over 15 broken bones, a crushed torso resulting in extensive kidney and liver damage and a cracked pelvis.

Doctors at Cedars Sinai have revealed that Mr Squirrel is still in traction and may be in hospital for the next three months depending on how he responds to treatment.

Kelly Osbourne made a brief statement at the hospital today: “We’ve been going out for a f*cking year now and I can’t f*cking believe my f*cking luck. This is the third motherf*cking time I’ve crushed Luke. This is getting f*cking old now innit? I might have to dump the little sh*t and get my stupid f*cking parents pay to get a new f*cking model.”

The couple were due to marry in two months time but may have to postpone now due to the current unfortunate circumstances.