Inventor Finds Way to House Whole of Africa and Middle East in UK

Professor Julius Suetonius, an inventor whose claim to fame is producing a self fluoridating toothbrush has been approached by EU ministers who want the UK to house the entire population of Africa and the Middle East, as well as parts of South East Asia in the UK.

“These EU leaders have written me a letter telling me that they want a solution to the global migrant crisis where everyone in the world is to congregate in what is now known as the British Isles. It’s a bit of problem because the UK’s land mass is so small. We already have a large migrant population coming every year numbering 360,000 last year, and this year it should rise to 650,000 people. Consider that all these people want to breed, send their kids to school and use our hospitals. In the last four years, the influx is estimated at 15 million migrants.

“My solution was very simple, we already have a population of 64.1 million people in the UK, and a land mass of 243,610 km². The population of Africa is 1.1 billion, and the population of the Middle East is 127 million. One must also include countries like Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Pakistan, India and other South East Asian nations where economic migrants wish to come over to Britain to get benefits. I estimate therefore, a population in the region of 2.3 billion people want to come to the UK, therefore every inch of the 243,610 km² will be used up, and that’s not including the millions of Romanians and other Eastern Europeans casually coming over the Schengen zone every second, every hour, every minute of the day.

“The solution is to build vast buildings that utilise space in the sky. We need housing projects that will be homes to millions of people, and these skyscrapers would have to ultimately reach thousands of feet into the sky. Within these dwellings there would be hospitals, schools, shops and ultimately jobs for some, but many would be on state benefits. There would not be any need to leave these dwellings in a person’s lifetime.

“How to pay for all of this building and state benefits? Those who can find employment in the new Britain would never retire and have to pay 95% taxation of all their earnings.

“Every inch of the great British countryside would have to be torn up and these massive concrete buildings would be stacked together next to each other in long rows. For 2.3 billion people to live in Britain, there would have to be a vast building spree, lakes, rivers — concreted over — forests smashed to pieces and former Victorian and Edwardian properties demolished.

“We would also have to factor in population growth of the 2.3 billion inhabitants of Britain, as migrants breed with more frequency than indigenous Brits, there would be an exponential increase of the population and the government would have to either think about building barges in the Channel housing these people or they could consider digging down where the people could be kept in dwellings with artificial sunlight.

“The EU and UK government is still under consultation for this project, but the current mass migratory push is accelerating daily and will get worse as time moves on. The roads in Britain were only designed for the horse and cart, so big changes will have to happen there, they will have to be expanded to have ten lanes on each side to cope with the level of traffic. I estimate the fumes and pollution within five years would be worse than Beijing now, and citizens would have to wear oxygen masks to go outside.

“Even if there is a Brexit vote in the EU Referendum, Britain will never be allowed to leave the EU, the building will start in earnest to cope with the millions, eventually turning to billions by the year 2025.”