Italian to be Brought In to Replace Mandelson

GRIMSBY - England - Aye, it's cold up North. But it's going to get even chillier in the next few days when an Italian politician will takeover from Lord Mandelson.

Lord Mandelson was left quaking in his stockings today when it was announced by the EU commissioner that he may be replaced by an Italian Minister.

Speaking on the BBC, The Prince of Darkness rebutted EU allegations that there were any plans to replace him with an Italian Count and refuted the rumours as “..ridiculous! I’m indispensable”.

The Italian Count who will replace Mandy is said to be suitably flamboyant and also has a nasty habit of getting on everyone’s nerves as well.

“The Italian is a real shister and will replace Peter nicely. You won’t even know the difference they’re both as irritating as each other. It’s just that we can get away with paying the Italian less and not have to deal with as many tantrums,” a parliamentary source told the Daily Squib.

Mandelson, who has acquired multi-million pound properties in Mayfair and Park Lane totalling over £18 million with his meager politicians salary will not mind his job going to an Italian. In fact, he says he is rather fond of Italian meatballs in his sauce.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Reader support keeps the caffeine flowing.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    MeToo Revolution – Consent No Longer Exists

    LONDON - England - Consent no longer exists when any historical event can be presented…

    20 mins ago

    Bo Selecta! Russell Brand Gets 10 Years Possibly at Monster Mansion

    LONDON - England - Russell Brand has been sentenced by the Crown Court to 10…

    1 day ago

    Nvidia’s Huang Put His Wang in a Huang

    SILICON VALLEY - USA - Nvidia shares have fallen sharply after the CEO Jensen Huang…

    1 day ago

    Labour Mourns Downfall of Leftist Celebrity Hero Russell Brand

    MANCHESTER - England - The far-left and Labour Party are today mourning the downfall of…

    5 days ago

    Convicted Rapist Russell Brand to go to Prison

    LONDON - England - Former celebrity Russell Brand has been convicted of rape.

    6 days ago

    US Midterms: Lame Duck Trump Just Got Ducked in the …

    WASHINGTON - D.C. - There's blood on the cities of America after a midterm election…

    7 days ago

    This website uses cookies.