Cheney Angry at Obama Torture Ban

“What’s a man to do in their retirement if they ban the only thing I enjoy doing, godammit,” Cheney was overheard saying as he attended a Washington post inauguration function on Tuesday.

Ever since president Obama signed an order banning torture of terror suspects Mr Cheney has been in an increased agitated state and has lashed out at people around him as well as errant reporters.

“Dick doesn’t like being denied his retirement fun. He had his torture chambers decked out with all the latest torture devices and was awaiting a new shipment of Iraqis but this is going to come as a heavy body blow for him. It would be so nice because I would be upstairs doing my knitting and sometimes hear the whirring of drills or buzzing of electricity. It is strangely comforting and he gets to do what he enjoys all day. Keeps him out of my hair,” Lynne Cheney was quoted as saying on a Fox News tribute to her husband.

Looks like Mr Cheney will have to find another hobby to wile away his retirement with. How about waterboarding?