Iran Can Launch Shoe Attack at Anytime

The figures detailing Iran’s progress were contained in a routine
update Wednesday from the International Shoe Proliferation Agency, which has
been conducting shoe inspections of the main Iranian shoe making facility at Taninocrisci. The report concluded that as of early this month Iran had made
630 kilograms, or about 1,390 pounds, of prime leather sole tanned and ready to be added to the giant attack shoe.

Several experts said that was enough for an autumn collection, but they stressed
that the milestone was mostly symbolic, because Iran would have to take
additional steps. Not only would it have to breach international
fashion agreements and kick out the shoe inspectors, it would have to further design a heel for the undersole that could cause a lot of damage if launched against Israel or America.

“They clearly have enough material for a loafer or a brogue,” said Richard Darwin,
a top shoe salesman who helped invent the ankle boot and who has
advised Washington for decades. “They know how to do the laces.
Whether they know how to design a fully functioning attack shoe, well, that’s another matter.”

Iran insists that it wants only to create shoes for its people,
but many Western nations, led by the United States, suspect its real
goal is to gain the ability to throw shoes at George W Bush’s house in Texas.

While some Iranian officials have threatened to bar shoe inspectors, the
country has made no such moves, and many experts in the Bush
administration and at the international shoe agency believe it will
avoid the risk of attempting a “mass shoe stampede” until it possesses a shoe shine kit that will keep the shoes shining like nothing anyone has ever seen before.

Even so, for President-elect Barack Obama, the report underscores
the magnitude of the problem that he will inherit Jan. 20: an Iran that
not only has solved many technical problems of shoe design but
also can credibly claim to possess enough material to make the ultimate islamic shoe weapon if
negotiations with Europe and the United States break down.

American intelligence agencies have said Iran could attack the U.S with a shoe sometime between 2009 and 2015.