Gordon Brown: Proles Guilty of Thoughtcrimes Will Be Punished

Speaking from the Westminster Duma, Comrade Gordon Brown, supreme unelected leader of the British Soviet people detailed new directives to erase the public’s memories and to punish thoughtcrimes committed by the prole masses.

“Comrades, I understand that some members of the prole masses have been found to be guilty of thoughtcrimes, they actually want justice for child murderers and the introduction of just laws for child abuse. Under the Labour New Era of Change, we must protect child murderers with anonymity, they must be given new identities and protected with taxpayers money, they must be given luxuries and mollycoddled for their heinous crimes against children.

“Instead, we will name and shame those who want justice, we will name and shame those who speed in their Trabant’s down our Britsh Soviet highways, we must punish those who show dissent against the great Soviet state and ask for justice. Comrades, comrades (cheering from the assembled gallery of high Labour officials), we must at all costs protect the jobs of high party officials who turn a blind eye to child abuse so that they can keep their Soviet pension plans intact, it is imperative that all thoughtcrimes are stamped out immediately.

“This is why comrades, I have ordered Stasi officers to root out any thoughtcrimes, especially those pertaining to those proles who think child rapists and child murderers should have the blanket of state endorsement lifted from their heads.

“As of tomorrow, I have ordered the Commissar for CCTV and Surveillance, Jacqui Smith to name and shame anyone who has sex with prostitutes (95% of Westminster Duma looks away in fear nervously). Commissar Smith will root out anyone who is not a high ranking Labour official (sighs of relief around the Duma) who pays for sex. Furthermore, any prole who does not fill their bins properly or who does not put their cardboard or plastic bottles in the correct bin will be named and shamed as well as flogged in the streets by public officials.

“On a good note comrades, I have ordered increased surveillance in all zones for the coming winter celebration of collectivization and Bolshevik revolution. I also would like to honour the brave workers of our great Soviet British state by announcing extra sugar rations of three cubes per family this winter, there will also be an extra allowance of two twigs of firewood for your furnaces per week this winter, yes, you heard right..per week comrades.”

In other news, Alfie Noakes, 13, of Sector 36 will be commended at 12 noon tomorrow in Red Square for his splendid Soviet spirit in reporting his father Reggie Noakes, 45, for not recycling a cardboard pizza box properly. Vile terrorist of the state, Reggie Noakes will serve a 42 year detention in gulag C6, Sector 101 (Northern England).

Notice: B64362 INGSOCK – Long Live Comrade Brown