New London Taxi Cabs Unveiled

Horse Power

The new London horse-driven taxis have been welcomed by cabbies because of the low running costs and the punters are delighted as well because of the low taxi charges. Where a passenger in a diesel operated cab could expect to pay £350.00 for a half mile cab trip, they can now get away with paying 30 pence for a horse driven trip across London.

London cabbie, Reg Carbunkle had this to say about the new taxis: “Blimey guv, it’s that Gordon Brown innit? He’s got 70% tax on all petrol in this country and when the oil price went up – peak oil and all that lark – we got scuppered well and good. It used to cost me £590 per hour to run my cab with diesel — so we came up with a solution. Horses mate, yes! Ya know the smelly animals that shit all over the effin’ place, nah I ain’t talkin’ about Amy Winehouse cuz she looks and smells like one innit. ‘Ere I ‘ad that John Prescott in me cab last night, yeah two jags triple chins Prescott, ‘e chundered in me cab something silly when ‘e was telling me about curbing my carbon emissions and recycling his vomit, that ain’t going to pay for me diesel will it? Effing bast@ard!”

Labour government ministers and Treasury fuel tax collectors however have not been happy about horses being introduced into their fuel tax bonanza. With the cost of fuel being made up of 70% tax that goes straight to the Treasury there are now calls to tax horses.

More tax please we’re British

“We are going to have to tax horses at a similar rate to motor vehicles. We will be introducing further horse licence taxes. In addition all horses will have to have an MOT and certificate of taxation. In August of this year we will also be increasing taxation on horse shit dropped by every horse, this is to curb volatile gases leading to global warming,” a senior tax collector revealed to the Guardian newspaper how the government plans on clawing back lost fuel tax revenue.

London cabbies have anticipated this taxing move by the Labour government and are now switching to mules which are not taxed yet.