Confederate Flag Now Classified As Lethal Weapon By U.S. State Department

“Under section 1034-23, the Confederate flag is now classified as a dangerous weapon and any citizen seen owning, looking at, or even thinking about the flag could be prosecuted under the Obama Offensive Flag Law,” Vice Chairman of Staff, Daquan Yoghurt, told reporters.

On Thursday, a man was arrested in Kentucky after wrapping a confederate flag around a black poodle belonging to an old lady, he proclaimed his innocence but was still shot 47 times by police officers attending the scene.

The new ruling will be instated nationally in its entirety some time next week, and should pass through the Senate in July.