Eco-Friendly Suicide Belts Being Used in Iraq

Terrorists in Iraq are becoming more eco-conscious and have introduced the next generation of ‘Green suicide belts’ onto the battlefield.

Sheik Bin Abu Ayham is the mastermind behind the eco-belts, as he likes to call them.

“We want to look after the planet. Everything in the belt is recycled and is built from sustainable organic materials. Even the nails were recycled from the last bombing and the pieces of cloth were woven in an eco-friendly sustainable farm in the Cotswalds. I’m afraid we could not recycle Mahmoud the suicide bomber though, because we could only find a few bits of him.”

Made from durable, waterproof soy polymer and eco-sustainable hemp cloth, these groovy, eco-chic suicide vests are lightweight and portable.

Suicide bombers are also offsetting their carbon emmisions by purchasing carbon credits and emulating their hero Al Gore.

The Daily Squib asked the Sheik if the 72 virgins are also recycled once the bomber goes to Islamic heaven.

“There is definitely no recycling of virgins in heaven, my friend. Once a bomber has done Allah’s bidding he spends eternity having fun. It’s hymen heaven I tell you.”

Islamic terrorism has never been so trendy and with the new eco-friendly suicide belts there is no threat to the environment.