Entire UK Population to be Branded

Lord Justice Sedley who proposed mass branding of the UK population with irons has been hailed a hero by the regime in charge.

Ministers said branding citizens with irons helped tackle crime. The compulsory UK nationwide branding operation will increase processing centre activity from next month.

A spokesman for Prime Minister Gordon Brown said to
expand the branding operation would create “huge logistical and bureaucratic
issues” and civil liberty concerns but these do not matter any more because “the people of Britain comply to everything we want anyway without question.”

The Labour Government has been branding criminals for years already, and now will extend the branding operation onto the rest of the population.

‘Branding Iron’

The process involves using a branding iron to make an impression on the forehead of every UK citizen.

As well as numbers to identify the person there will be a barcode. The information on the barcode will relay to a central computer details of the citizen, their status, their sexuality, their race and also their DNA information.

Gordon Brown has stated that the database and branding iron operation is only a minor inconvenience to the everyday citizen and should be embraced without question.

The Home Secretary outlined in a
Parliamentary debate today on how the branding database shall be controlled. He described the system for branding people as a vital necessity in fighting the War on Terror.

“For the state and your security you will be branded on the forehead with a barcode. There is nothing to worry about and it is totally painless.”

Nick Clegg, Liberal Democrat home affairs spokesman,
said there was “no earthly reason” why someone who has committed no
crime should be branded with an iron – “yet the government is branding
thousands of innocent people’s foreheads every
month”. The right honourable gentleman Mr Clegg was then taken away to a Processing Centre and branded before disappearing, never to be seen again.

The branding operation, which is 12 years old, grows by 30,000 citizens per month and the processing centres have been working over time.

The “UK Branding Processing Centre” in London’s Kings Cross, the
largest in the world, can be identified from space utilising satellite imagery showing the immense smoke clouds from the branding irons and smelting pots.

In one case, Dyfed-Powys Police used a branding iron on
Jeffrey Vineyard, 72, from Pembrokeshire. He was mistakenly branded on the left cheek – and will have to be processed again on the forehead.

Home Office Minister Tony McNulty said the branding process had helped police solve as many as 20 crimes a year.

“By giving up your freedom we are now a safer society. You will trust us with everything. Do not think – just obey.”

Sir Stephen Sedley, who is the master architect of the population control system, is now also proposing the segregation of ‘ethnics’ from the Aryan population.

“We are constructing five new processing centres per month and are incorporating the premise that anyone who enters Britain’s shores will be branded with a barcode. This is to ensure safety for our citizens. We, the controllers, have your best interests at heart so there is nothing to worry about. You may now resume watching Celebrity Can’t Cook Won’t Cook.”