Lindsay Lohan Leg Found on Malibu Beach

MALIBU - CA - A leg presumed to be that of a missing Lindsay Lohan was washed up on Malibu beach still with an alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet attached. Officers from the Malibu Police force are fearing the worst.

Jeffrey Katzenberg, a Hollywood producer, was walking his dog along the Paradise Cove pier in Malibu at 7am PST when he came across the leg.

Malibu is notable for being a residence for celebrities and the town is in shock at the loss of one of their own.

Detective John Roberts of the Malibu/Lost Hills Station made a brief statement to photographers and reporters today at 11.35 PST.

“After discovering the leg this morning our marine specialist has come to the conclusion that this is a shark attack victim. The nature of the bite seems to indicate that this was a huge shark,possibly a Great White shark approximately 35 feet long As of yet we still do not know the whereabouts of Miss Lindsay Lohan and have been interviewing her entourage and hangers on as well as her numerous drug dealers.”

There is a theory going around the investigators that the alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet could have attracted the shark by emitting a low frequency sound.

Warm Californian waters attract Great Whites

There were trips on a private yacht during the party at the Malibu residence. Miss Lohan has not been seen since yesterday.

Lindsay Lohan is the latest celebrity victim to have been caught by the Police drinking and driving as well as with cocaine possession.

She will be due in court on multiple charges next month and for an inevitable jail sentence however first the Police have to find the rest of her.

“We will be conducting DNA tests on the leg and will have results by next week,” Detective John Roberts states.

It is highly likely however that this is Lindsay Lohan’s leg because of the alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet and perfectly pedicured toes as well as a little tattoo saying ‘la bella vita’.

Studio bosses are all waiting anxiously on news about the ailing ‘celebrity’.

Media scramble on news that the leg may belong to Lohan

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    50+ Investable Opportunities Found in a New Analysis Providing Economic Gains

    GENEVA - Switzerland - The World Economic Forum has identified over 50 investable opportunities offering…

    1 day ago

    Strait of Hormuz: Shame on Many Coward NATO Members

    LONDON - England - Multiple members of NATO have displayed their profound cowardice and shame…

    2 days ago

    Shia Islamic Iran Willing to Take Down Globe For the Twelfth Imam

    TEHRAN - Iran - The Shia Islamic Iranian Republic is awaiting the Twelfth Imam to…

    5 days ago

    Iranian Regime Now Releasing AI-Generated Disinformation of Captured US Soldiers

    LONDON - England - The U.S. Intelligence community needs to stamp down on the mass…

    1 week ago

    The Have-Nots Don’t Have Anything to Lose – But You Do!

    LOS ANGELES - USA - There are millions and millions of have-nots who don't have…

    1 week ago

    TRUMP: Kill One Ayatollah – Get Another One Free

    TEHRAN - Iran - President Trump sure got the deal of the century when he…

    1 week ago

    This website uses cookies.