Lindsay Lohan Leg Found on Malibu Beach

MALIBU - CA - A leg presumed to be that of a missing Lindsay Lohan was washed up on Malibu beach still with an alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet attached. Officers from the Malibu Police force are fearing the worst.

Jeffrey Katzenberg, a Hollywood producer, was walking his dog along the Paradise Cove pier in Malibu at 7am PST when he came across the leg.

Malibu is notable for being a residence for celebrities and the town is in shock at the loss of one of their own.

Detective John Roberts of the Malibu/Lost Hills Station made a brief statement to photographers and reporters today at 11.35 PST.

“After discovering the leg this morning our marine specialist has come to the conclusion that this is a shark attack victim. The nature of the bite seems to indicate that this was a huge shark,possibly a Great White shark approximately 35 feet long As of yet we still do not know the whereabouts of Miss Lindsay Lohan and have been interviewing her entourage and hangers on as well as her numerous drug dealers.”

There is a theory going around the investigators that the alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet could have attracted the shark by emitting a low frequency sound.

Warm Californian waters attract Great Whites

There were trips on a private yacht during the party at the Malibu residence. Miss Lohan has not been seen since yesterday.

Lindsay Lohan is the latest celebrity victim to have been caught by the Police drinking and driving as well as with cocaine possession.

She will be due in court on multiple charges next month and for an inevitable jail sentence however first the Police have to find the rest of her.

“We will be conducting DNA tests on the leg and will have results by next week,” Detective John Roberts states.

It is highly likely however that this is Lindsay Lohan’s leg because of the alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet and perfectly pedicured toes as well as a little tattoo saying ‘la bella vita’.

Studio bosses are all waiting anxiously on news about the ailing ‘celebrity’.

Media scramble on news that the leg may belong to Lohan

Do you value freedom?

SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB We fight for freedom, justice, satire and coffee. PLEASE CONSIDER DONATING. THANK YOU. Biden Censorship | Starmer Censorship | Google Censorship
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by

Recent Posts

Why I had to dump the “Jonah” Commissar Reeves from the China begging trip

BEIJING - China - Comrade Starmer explains why he dumped "Jonah" Commissar Reeves from the…

1 day ago

Comrade Starmer Visiting Communist Comrades in China

BEIJING - China - Comrade Starmer is on a visit to the communist country as…

3 days ago

Open Borders Socialist Spain Fast Tracks Half a Million Illegal Migrants Coming to UK

MADRID - Spain - The far-leftist socialist government has fast-tracked citizenship for over half a…

4 days ago

Socialist Tory Party Disgusted as Conservative Defects to Brigand Bandit Group

LONDON - England - Comrade Badenoch of the Socialist Tory Party is very angry that…

5 days ago

The Hypocrisy of Leftists Regarding Deportations

MINNEAPOLIS - USA - It's okay to have 3.1 million ICE deportations under Obama, but…

5 days ago

Comrades, Stasi Units On Alert After Traitor Tries to Invoke Democracy

MANCHESTER - England - The People's Republic of Soviet Britain is currently under a state…

5 days ago

This website uses cookies.