How the EU Referendum Will Work

“First you sweeten them up, reduce red tape, be seen to get rid of some of that EU fascism stuff that is the core element of the European Union, et voila the British swine will have the feel good factor coming up to the voting.

“Any dissenters must be shut up immediately by the media, and as the game goes, dire economic threats of what would happen if they do not vote in favour of the EU always work wonders as well.

“Economic blackmail is a very useful technique with the proles, you know like you will lose x amount of jobs, ad infinitum.

“We also have additional techniques to fool the voters of any EU referendum, but we will not reveal those tricks here.

“Hang on, was it the Irish who once voted against the EU? Well, it was simple, we just told them to vote again in our favour and it worked.

“So, to recap, feel good factor, teasing, pleasing, economic blackmail, media wiping dissenting voices and a good dose of lies. Remember the Scottish referendum was a dress rehearsal for the British, and may I add, they performed very well.

“Naturellement, once all is done and dusted and the fools have done our bidding, the honeymoon is over, we have them lock, stock and barrel, this is when we really tighten the screws and stop playing around,” EU president, Jean Claude Stuka revealed to the Luxembourg media whilst sipping a fucking huge jug of cognac.