Spring Watch: The Great British Punter Rises

Springtime is a beautiful time of year in the UK, flowers and plants start to blossom, animals end their hibernation, and racing experts begin to wake up from their slumber, ready to display their Cheltenham Festival and Grand National knowledge like a peacock in full plume to anyone that will listen.

As shoots of new life sprout, packs of bookmakers circle the flock to provide betting offers to all, attempting to coax players in for the big events, targeting the various species of punters in a feeding frenzy.

There are nine types of punter, each with a varying degree of annoyance and expertise, sometimes in equal measure. We all know them. We have all seen them, but the question is, which one are you?

The Annual Punter

I will always remember as a child, my nan being anti-gambling, yet when the Grand National came around, she would always enlist the help of my dad (a full-time punter) to “stick a bet on” for her without fail. She did not know about form or such, she just picked a “nice name” or three and stuck 50p each way. Funnily enough, she was quite successful, much to my old man’s chagrin.

The Rocketeer

The Rocketeer does not just want to win, they want to win everything! Not satisfied with backing a winner at 2/1, they go after the moonshot 8-fold bet that may pay out at 6,000/1. Despite it never happening, they will do the same week-in-week-out. These are the equivalent of the crypto bros shouting “to the moon” every few days and are just as annoying.

The Try-Hard or “Expert”

The try-hard is an unusual beast. Convinced of his racing knowledge, he insists he knows who you should back every race, thanks to living vicariously through X feeds of jockeys, trainers, or tipsters and bumping into a famous jockey at Watford Gap Services. They often talk about “gut feeling” but in truth, it’s probably just the bad kebab they had the night before.

The Mug

The perfect enabler of the Try-Hard. Happy to listen and ends up having a bet on the most ridiculous of tips passed on due to huge amounts of FOMO. The Mug is easy to spot, usually following the try-hard like a sheep or lost puppy, waiting for cues on what to do next.

The Stalker / Defender

A multi-faceted individual, the stalker will only back a specific trainer or jockey, regardless of the race. The great trainer, Willie Mullins’ could have a debutant at 50/1 and the Stalker will be straight in there, sticking a couple of quid on in good faith, before reverting to his second form (The Defender), as he makes excuses for his hero when the horse in question has been pulled up halfway around the track.

The Jinx

The jinx has an unfathomable ability of ruining a horse’s race before it starts, by simply betting on it. This power also applies during a race too, if you hear them say that xx horse “is going well,” you can rest assured that it is all over for you. Avoid like the plague!

The Superstitious Punter

Everything happens for a reason, well that’s what the superstitious punter believes at least, picking runners based on coincidences, such as having a favourite holiday destination in its name or being foaled on the same date as my old school friend’s birthday, who I incidentally have not seen in 35 years. The weaker the connection, the better, but do not get them started if their pick wins!

The Full-Timer

Not a professional punter, but a person who seamlessly blends betting with everyday life. Just like the modern teenager, they will have their phone surgically attached to their hands, looking at the latest odds or watching the in-play markets. You can spot them out in the wild, including workplaces, cars, and even weddings.

The Professional

The professional is a rare breed, a meticulous expert thanks to years of experience and learning. They can be hard to spot, but signs can include having a form guide at arms-length, constantly getting alerts about horses they follow, and an impressive range of Excel macros. Usually mild-mannered, they can anger quickly if you ask for a tip, so do so at your own risk!