Rooney Gets Job at British Museum

“We are pleased to announce that Wayne has been given a permanent position at the British Museum. We are thankful for his participation and hope to have a long lasting employer’s relationship with him,” head of the Neolithic collection, Jasper Lampater, revealed today.

According to the press release, Rooney will be part of the caveman exhibit and will be required to just stand there for hours on end, sometimes grunting or dragging his knuckles on the exhibit’s fake rock formations.

Caroline Massey, a regular visitor to the British Museum said: “Golly! This sounds fantastic. Can’t wait to see him headbutt a Japanese tourist who gets too close or lift his leg to pee on a fake tree. I’ve heard that Colleen will join him on certain days, but don’t know where she’ll put all the shopping bags of designer clothes?”