New Genetically Modified Babies Only Poo Once Every Two Months

Normal babies poo about 8-17 times a day, and what with the blow outs and poo squirting everywhere, a parent can only wonder if they made the right life choice with having kids.

“These new babies are genetically modified and only poo once every two months. They have normal digestive tracts but instead of soiling nappies on a constant basis, they are much more streamlined. Not only does this save time and effort but it also saves money and the horrible effect of millions of nappies sent to landfills every day. I say we can cut down on unnecessary waste as well as save parents the tortuous effort of peeling away nappies from a baby while it projectile shit’s gallons of poo from its tiny baby butt on a constant basis,” chief scientist at the Child Development Lab in University College London told the Times.

There are also no worries about when the babies grow up, as regular toilet movement resumes from the age of five.

“Sign me up. My little Billy can poo through two nappies at the same time and sometimes the stench is so awful I have to wear a mask.” Jane Tisdale, a distraught new mother told the BBC’s Science Show.