New Facebook Funeral Service Announced

SAN FRANCISCO - USA - Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has announced a new funeral service for the social networking site that is sure to increase revenues for the ailing stock market listed company.

“You live your life on Facebook and give us all of your information to profit from and sell to marketeers and any agency that wants it, so we thought let’s go one step further and profit from your death as well,” Zuckerberg revealed yesterday at the Facebook HQ.

Under the new proposals, for a simple $65 fee, Facebook users will be able to have a nicely made Facebook Obituary page up forever so all Facebookers can check you out for eternity.

“The catch is if you don’t pay the $65 fee before you die, all the emails, back stabbings, unfriended friends, past romances and dirty linen will be put up for everyone to see forever. So you better pay up now folks,” Zuckerberg said before chuckling like a wild Hyena.

The new compulsory Facebook service will be implemented on the site in August 2013.

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