Climate Scientists Excited After New Data Reveals Humans Doomed

“I’ve just got the data through, this is so exciting. We’re all going to die horribly from eco-apocalypse when the whole climate changes for the worst. We feel vindicated after that fiasco with the faked data dreamed up by the global warming naysayers,” a relieved professor Arnold Weasel, for the University of Dagenham, told New Scientist magazine.

US politician and eco-mongerer, Al Gore, was on the line yesterday to congratulate the team on their findings: “I always knew I was right and I congratulated the team for their hard work. There are going to be huge tsunamis, drought, global warming and death for everyone who doesn’t own a spaceship. All those people who laughed at me, well, they ain’t laughing now that’s for sure.”

The climate scientists could not specify an accurate timetable for our demise because they were too busy partying yesterday, they say they will come up with more data after their sizeable hangovers finally subside.