World's Largest Toaster Sets Record for High-Energy Toasting

The £6.6 billion Large Toaster toasted a whole loaf of bread today as part of its ambitious bid to reveal details about the fine art of toasting.

“This is the most expensive piece of f*cking toast in the world. Look at the shine on this thing. You can smell it too. I just put some butter on the toast and I saw the steam rise as the bread ate up the delicious butteriness,” Lee Oswald Munchen, chief scientist in charge of the project said.

Dubbed the world’s largest toasting experiment, the Large Toaster holds the promise of revealing details about bread particles and microforces in the wheat in a single slice of bread, scientists say.

Out of 500 scientists who helped engineer the project, all but one were fed with the wonderful toast from the machine.

“It’s a very complicated machine but we finally got there folks,” said Jens Sliberdekker of Harvard Cambridge National Laboratory. “When that toast popped up, there were cheers from everyone and a lot of tears of joy I might add. I have to say, this toaster is the best thing since sliced bread.”