Scientists Baffled After Analysing Mexican Flu Virus

LONDON - England - British scientists at the Health Protection Agency's high containment laboratories in Tottenham, north London, have discovered a serious anomaly within the Mexican swine virus' genetic structure.

The United Nations public-health agency raised its global pandemic alert level to phase 5 from phase 4, indicating the Mexican H1N1 flu has caused outbreaks in at least two countries in one region.

The virus was transferred to a high security room at the lab and
disassembled using a technique called “reverse genetics”. Scientists then took the genes that make the swine virus’s outer coating and
attached them to a harmless human virus called PR8.

It was during this process that the scientists were dumb struck at their discovery.

“During the analytical process we discovered that the virus carried a component that has got everyone excited. Our colleagues in the CDC from Atlanta, Georgia have also found the same component and are also baffled. It seems to be some kind of genetic footprint denoting the virus’s place of origin,” Dr. Mark Sykes from the HPA’s containment labs told the Daily Squib.

The World Health Organisation last night raised the alert to level five
– only one below the highest level – for the first time in its history.

“We also found that the virus likes to have a three hour siesta every day from about 2pm. It also has an affinity for Tequila if it’s host drinks some it gets happy and starts to sing Mariachi songs. We’ve seen some crazy shit in our labs. Sometimes we have to pinch ourselves to show we’re not dreaming,” Dr. Sykes added.