Scientific Study Reveals Lazy People Live Longer

Too lazy to peel a banana? Too lazy to get a 9-5 job pressing hubcaps in a factory? Well, you’re in luck.

Professor Anders Fuglesang of the Stockholm Institute has been studying data collated for the last fifty years on the effects of laziness in humans and life expectancy.

“Our data suggests that there is a clear correlation within the life expectancy of humans who like to take things easy, to lounge around and not get stressed, to paint, make love slowly and generally enjoy life without the rigours of hard work. The controlled study subjects who were deemed ‘lazy’ lived longer by about 15-20 years on average. Those subjects who had hectic jobs or lives with busy schedules on average lived shorter lives.”

The data also suggests that subjects who enjoyed a life of leisure were more content with their lives and could indulge in their hobbies whereas those who had hectic lives were limited in time for themselves.

Key study findings found that most of the population routinely work themselves to death and by the age of 45 or 50 are so decrepit and destroyed inside that their remaining years alive are limited.

“There has to be a good balance to the issue of work and play. The key to longevity in any capacity holds many factors however we have found that those who take life easier and chill out live longer. Those who live chaotic, busy lifestyles live less. The study is still ongoing and we are always collating new data so who is to say what else we may find?”

The study concludes that hard work and constant pressure are precursors to early death and should be avoided at all costs.