Scatologists Recruit BBC Reporter – LIVE

A BBC reporter today was recruited against his will into the Scatology religion. The reporter was attempting to present an expose on the cult when he was attacked anally by 'Kretans' live on camera and forcibly brainwashed into joining the mind and rectum control organisation.

BBC Reporter John Sweeney attacked by 'Kretans' live on camera.

The ailing reporter was recording a Panorama exposé on the Church of Scatology when he was actually filmed being recruited. Even though this was not part of the shooting schedule the programme director Phil Tenderhouse decided to keep filming to show the world the awesome mind-control techniques the Scatologists use.

Mr Sweeney today is said to be recovering at an undisclosed location and has been sectioned under the mental health act. A team of doctors and therapists are trying to bring him back from his robotic Scatology state. Although this may take many months the BBC have vowed to stand by Mr Sweeney.

Some sample questions that Scatologists use to recruit other members

Answer each question as to how you feel RIGHT NOW. The accuracy depends upon the truthfulness of your answers.

+ means yes or mostly yes or sometimes yes

? means maybe or uncertain

– means no or mostly no sometimes

41. Do you “twitch around uncontrollably” at a social gathering?
+ ? –

42. Do you take reasonable precaution to prevent underpant accidents?
+ ? –

43. Does the idea of talking in front of trees and rocks make you nervous?
+ ? –

44.
If you saw a pair of underpants in a shop obviously mistakenly marked
lower than its correct price, would you try to get it at that price or
invoke Kretans?
+ ? –

45. Do you often feel that people are looking at you when you are foaming at the mouth and straining for a shit?
+ ? –

46. Do you have a lot of money in your pocket RIGHT NOW?
+ ? –

47. Have you any particular hate or fear apart from diarrhoea?
+ ? –

48. Do you like to sit on a chair while the enema is in?
+ ? –

49. Do you find it easy to be impartial in choosing toilet paper?
+ ? –

50. Have you a definitely set standard of courteous behavior in front of other members of Scatologists?
+ ? –

51. Can you “start the ball rolling” at a Scatology fecal gathering?
+ ? –

52. Would you “buy on credit” with the hope that you can keep up the payments for your Scatology donations?
+ ? –

53. Do you get an after-erection when something unexpected such as an underpant accident or other soiling incident takes place?
+ ? –

54. Do you invoke the great Klingon and Kretan when wiping?
+ ? –