Health

Doh! Even Royalty Gets Cancer

SANDRINGHAM - England - After the mass press extravaganza regarding King Charles III's cancer battle, it has been revealed that even royalty get cancer.

Who would have thought it, even members of the royal family get cancer. From the multitude of surprised press reports about King Charles getting the Big C, you would think that the royal family are viewed as superhuman beings, or in David Icke’s case — reptilians from the Draco constellation.

There is a fundamental difference of course in the treatment a prominent member of the royal family receives to that of the general public. They recieve the highest level of medical care and the best doctors who are on hand at all times to serve the royal cancer patient. This is in stark contrast to someone who is probably on the NHS, where an appointment for treatment can be over 6 months ahead, and by that time the patient will have deteriorated drastically. Britain has one of the lowest cancer survival rates in the world, but if you are a royal it’s okay, you are in good hands.

It has not been revealed what type of cancer the monarch has, but it is almost a certainty that he will be cured soon enough, and all this hoo-ha will be gone.

The release of the information about King Charles’ illness is somewhat suspect, however it could be a way of normalising cancer as it becomes way more prevalent in these times. Microplastics, chemicals, food wrapped in plastic, and high amounts of sugar and hormones pumped into everything all play a part in the modern lifestyle of millions of people. Normalising something like cancer, when it used to be quite a rare occurrence, is also a way of surreptitiously covering up the epidemic.

It is however with a sigh of relief to know that the members of the royal family are not reptilians, and are just normal human beings who are from a certain protected lineage.

David Icke claims in his books that the royal family are part of the blood-drinking, shape-shifting reptilian race from the Alpha Draconis star system, now hiding in underground bases, and are the force behind a worldwide conspiracy against humanity. He contends that most of the world’s ancient and modern leaders are related to these reptilians, including the Merovingian dynasty, the Rothschilds, the Bush family and the British Royal family.

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