Psychologists: Why Having a Good Grope at the Office is Good For You

It’s OK to grope in the office. Squeezing a buttock or a nice pert breast can do wonders for one’s moral, especially if you’re having an awfully stressful day at the office.

The study funded by the Treasury in the UK and US Dept. of Commerce in America is a concerted effort to increase productivity and boost the economy of the US and UK, who have been blighted by recession and poor job employment numbers.

It used to be just a male preserve in the 50s, 60s and 70s, but office groping is now a female pastime too. Grabbing a man’s tackle can improve work productivity by up to 80% experts say.

“Stress is a killer when it comes to office productivity. Companies are losing billions every year to workers being too stressed and beaten down. Our studies were conducted over three decades and prove emphatically that groping in the work place is the equivelant of high octane adrenaline being pumped into the veins of workers. They suddenly perk up, in more ways than one, and their work improves. As for the person who is groped, it’s all a bit of fun, they either grope back or enjoy the moment, this improves their self-esteem and self-worth as well as their standing within the office hierarchy,” Dr Ronald Eamons, told the BBC.

Case study Julia Harting who works at Investment banking firm, Redditch Mathers, in the City, told of her stress busting grope sessions.

“It was Monday morning, I really did not want to be back at work. Then the boss called me in and told me that the projected sales targets for this quarter were woefully short and if I did not get myself into gear I would probably have to be let go. Naturally, I was stressed so as I walked out of the boardroom I saw a male colleague and I groped his tackle. To say he was pleased is an understatement. It made his day, and it bloody well cheered me up. I went back to my desk and got 12 sales that morning.”

Thousands of companies are now implementing these stress busting techniques into their offices worldwide and there seems to be a groping revolution happening right now.