Gordon Brown to Become Dentist

The former PM is said to be delighted to have qualified as a dentist and will practice dentistry in his old constituency.

“My new dental practice will be unique, because I will forbid the use of any form of anaesthetic whilst I am digging through your gums with a rusty drill bit,” the former PM told a local newspaper.

Mr Brown is eager to make every patient feel like they are in a cabinet meeting or stuck in the ex-PM’s private office during his tenure as prime monster.

“We’re already booked up. Some people are even crossing the border to get treatment from Brown. Our best client so far is some chap called Tony. He’s got a dazzling smile, or should I say, he used to have a dazzling smile, until the dentist got to work on him with those pliers,” Mr Brown’s receptionist said from the surgery.

Luckily for the residents on each side of Mr Brown’s dental surgery, the soundproofed walls will drown out the screams and tortuous wailing of his patients.