Michelle Obama Uses New Superfood Cockroach Milk in Her Morning Cereal

Former first lady, Michelle Obama today extolled the virtues of cockroach milk, a new superfood for the health conscious champagne socialist set.

“This is lactose free amino-acid rich goodness all in one. Protein rich and yummy. I pour the cockroach milk over my cereal in the morning and have a few drops with my coffee,” Mrs Obama told Marie Claire magazine.

In October, Michelle Obama will be featured in her own Netflix show to promote healthy eating to Americans.

Said to be the superfood for the Millennial era, many are even harvesting their own Hawaiian Pacific Beetle cockroaches at home, then milking them daily to extract the gooey milk that holds protein crystals.

Hannah Gutter, a democratic party worker from Los Angeles has even named her cockroach brood, consisting of 240 cockroaches which she houses in her tiny apartment she shares with her girlfriend.

“I love my cockroaches, I even name them, like see the one with spot on its back, that’s Spot, and the other one over there mating, that’s Harvey. I hope he got consent.”

Milking time

Extracting the milk from a cockroach can be a tedious business, and it takes Hannah four hours a day, but it’s worth every minute, in her point of view.

“You pick them up one by one, then I rub their crotch area gently slowly picking up the pace. When you hear this clicking agitated excited sound, you know they’re close to popping. That’s when they usually shoot their gooey milky load all over the place, so you have to catch it in a cup. Afterwards some of them get really sleepy, and I put them in a quiet place to sleep it off.”