TSA Checks for Prostate and Bowel Cancer

“Now when you fly through an American airport, we can also give you prostate check for men and also bowel cancer checks. Women will get all cavities checked. This is also part of the new Obama Health Care initiative as well as security for a trouble free flight,” Roger Sanchez, TSA operations director, at Newark airport told CNN.

The TSA which has promoted the new positive medical check story to all media channels, will make sure the new rectal checks will be a key factor with flying Americans when it comes to Thanksgiving.

TSA One Stop Shop

“I’m flying from New York to Phoenix this Thanksgiving, so when I get my rectal check, at least I’ll be safe in the knowledge that I know what’s going on down there plus I won’t have to fork over seventy five bucks for my doctor to do the same thing,” Gerry Harkinson, 65, told CBS news.

“We see things here in the airport that even the most intimate doctor’s probe will scant see, so people should be happy that they’re getting checked in their butt holes,” a TSA official said on Monday before sticking his arm half way up an elderly gentleman’s bottom.

A passenger flying from Newark to Wisconsin said: “I just got my bunghole checked and it’s ok thank god. Now when I go to Thanksgiving and stuff my turkey, I’ll know how that thing feels.”