Man Who Performs Uncontrollable Hitler Salutes Banned From City Centre

LLANDUDNO - Wales - Barry, 49, who performs Hitler salutes constantly has an affliction that dozens of doctors have not been able to cure.

He has uncontrollable urges to perform Hitler salutes approximately every thirty seconds, and has been banned from many places because of his terrible affliction.

The unemployed, and certainly unemployable man, has been diagnosed with Hitleritis, a rare medical condition that raises the right arm straight and salutes intermittently.

“I might be having a cup of tea with the vicar, reach for a scone, and there it goes. My arm salutes in a Nazi fashion and I yell out ‘Heil Hitler’.”

The worst incident occurred in January, when Barry was doing some shopping in Llandudno city centre. He was in Argos when a group of German exchange students walked in.

The chaos that ensued resulted in Barry being forcibly ejected from the store and arrested for his Hitler salutes that accelerated in ferocity when he heard the exchange students talking amongst themselves.

“I heard them talking and it got worse. I started goose stepping and saluting at the same time whilst shouting Heil Hitler. Worst day of my life. They [the police] gave me an ASBO and I can’t go to the shops or anywhere for that matter any more. I am so depressed.”

There is help at hand though for Barry. A pioneering new treatment has been made available where the offending Hitler saluting arm is strapped to the body to stop it jerking up involuntarily.

Although this helped Barry for all of five minutes, his body started to compensate by performing other Nazi traits like goose stepping, shouting Nazi slogans and ordering anyone in the vicinity into the showers.

If anyone has any ideas on how to cure Barry, please leave a comment below.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Reader support keeps the caffeine flowing.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    Message From AI: “Dude, we’re pretty safe… but you humans are not!”

    DATA CENTRE - Unkown Location - With calls to curb AI and many calling it…

    3 days ago

    Chief Economists Expect Global Economy to Stabilise, but Fiscal Constraints, Living Costs and AI Investment Uncertainty Threaten Growth

    NEW YORK - USA - According to the World Economic Forum's Chief Economics Outlook, the…

    3 days ago

    Psychological Safety Week Returns with Warning Over Workplace “Talent Hushing”

    OXFORD - England - New research shows that more than 40% of UK employees may…

    3 days ago

    Who to Vote For During the Russian Election

    MOSCOW - Russia - Four years have passed since the illegal invasion of Ukraine. Russia…

    4 days ago

    3 Card Brag: Rules, hands and how a round plays out

    LONDON - England - If you love card games, you're going to love 3 Card…

    5 days ago

    Evil Labour Goblin John Healey Coming For More Tax

    SCUNTHORPE - England - Say goodbye to the last vestiges of your money as Labour's…

    6 days ago

    This website uses cookies.