Obama to Meet and Greet Every Ebola Flight From West Africa

“I’m going to meet and greet personally every African coming off those planes, there may be thousands, they may have Ebola but I want to show Americans there is nothing to fear. I will hug them, kiss them and shake their hands. We need to accommodate these poor people who are coming here for free health care and so what if they have Ebola, it is their right as humans to infect as many people as possible. I’ll be on the front line, and I’ll be smiling and holding my head high because I’m right and you’re all wrong,” the president said on the tarmac of New York’s La Guardia airport as another flight from Africa landed yesterday.

Dmnongo Tchibilosa, 34, from Equatorial Guinea was eager to meet the president as he left the Ebola ravaged country on Saturday.

“We have been told we will be welcomed with open arms. I can’t wait to spread some Ebola to everyone in the United States. Oh, I meant spread some love. Thank you Obama, you have shown great African spirit by letting us all come to USA. Yay, who wants some Ebola lovin’?”