Comrades, We Present a Low IQ Obese Chav Celebrity to Spearhead the Labour Ministry of Education

Fat pigs can really fly as well as teach your kids to be educated by dumbed-down social media celebrities that resemble fat pigs. The People’s Republic of Soviet Britain is proud to present some obese chav celebrity to make your dumb children even fucking dumber. This is our Labour Party pledge: to dumb the population down to the level of a piece of dog shit. This way, you’ll be so dumb, you’ll even vote Labour again at the next fucking election. The Labour Ministry of Education is here for your children in the PRSB.

Commissar Philipson from the Ministry of Education has procured the services of some fat, grotesque banal Chav-cunt celebrity to indoctrinate your children in trash celebrity television, social media, junk food and other low-IQ activities.

1. A dumb population is a pliant one. The dumber your children are, the better they are at believing what Labour Party commissars tell them. We do not want intelligent people to question our policies, but if the odd person breaks through the intelligence barrier, we will censor and cancel them heavily anyway.
2. We want your children to be educated by chav celebrities and social media. In other words, we do not want your fucking children to be educated. Reality TV shows like Essex and Love Island are your toxic education, and you will be fed this shit from birth to death.
3. ‘Labour education’ is a misnomer that actually means ‘un-education’ where subjects are dumbed-down to the level of fucking amoebas. This is our Labour Ministry of Education pledge to your children.
4. There’s a reason why Labour outlawed and punished private education. We cannot have institutions actually educating children.
5. You will be pliant; you will agree with everything we say to you; you will not question us; you will not be educated; you will live your sad fucking existence watching shitty reality shows and stuck on social media sites doomscrolling ad infinitum. You will vote Labour.