Dolly Parton’s Breasts Could be Displayed in Nashville Museum

“We all know how everything in America has to be big. If it ain’t big, it ain’t good. Same goes for Dolly Parton’s breasts, they’re big, just like her sweet voice is big. She’s given us permission, when she passes to the Grand Ole Opry in the sky, to donate her wonderful big mammas to our museum so millions of visitors every year can enjoy those beautiful fun bags like many did when she was alive,” Curston Dean McGuinness, owner and curator of the Nashville Museum told Fox News.

Stand by your mams

In fact, the Jolene starlet has had each of her humungous breasts insured for $45 million and the cherry on the top, each nipple has an additional insurance premium of $15 million. The Swiss bank that insures Dolly’s bazongas recently went bust on her bust, but luckily the Fed bailed them out with a special chesty finance deal.

Trip down mammary lane

Buck Thornton, was an acquaintance of Dolly’s in 1967, and remembers her cantaloupes with fondness.

“Dolly, bless her, has such a big heart, I never met a lady who could not only sing like her, but she could hug the whole world with her warm ta-ta’s, bless her. She let me do a Bombay Roll on her backstage just after a show in Texas. I’ll never forget her face as I drained all I had over those dang beauteous jelly-filled babylons of pure country goodness.”